PAIN OF LOVING AN OLDER MAN IN AFRICA

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The pain of loving an older man in an African setting is unimaginable. In  Africa,  cross generational relationships are looked at as forbidden and undesirable. This is because trends have changed and society now looks at cross generational relationships differently. Allow me present you the before and after of this issue and also share with you what leaves my mind perplexed.

Back in the earlier African Traditional Society,it was legit for a  man who was as old as your father to ask for your hand in marriage and your parents accepted the man with aims wide open. This man would take you to his home and at the age of 12 a girl would play the role of a wife, this happened in multiple tribes in Africa.

But in the Africa we live in today, falling in love with an older man makes you a disgrace to not only your family but your community at large. The African society has evolved in such a way that when you tell your peers you are dating an older  man, the first thing they will do is call him a, “sugar daddy.”
Then follows the seterotypial judgement which has made many young girls afraid of opening about these kind of relationships because of fear. I find this ironic because a society that held these relationships in high regard now looks at them as a disgrace. It is also ironic how some learned girls now find pride in dating a man is way older than them yet society looks differently at it.

But what do I mean when I say a  man older than a girl? In the African society a man who is ten years older than you is who society calls a “sugar daddy”. Some well travelled Africans or like I love to call them exposed Africans will say age is just a number, but is it? Is age just a number? Or is it a world definition of time that is supposed to put a limitation on some of the things we get to do in life, haha that  is for another day, back to the African society.

The society in Africa has evolved to an  extent that young beautiful girls have become hard hearted because of the stereotypical judgement they face. I know loving a man who is way older than you is a big deal and forever will be. Reason being it comes with a lot of strings attached and issues  to deal with. Perhaps the man already has children with other women so how will you deal with all that drama?
So many questions left unanswered, but what if this man is the love of your life? What if is he is your forever? What if he is your George Colonney and your Amaal? What do you do? Do you let society’s setreotypical judgemental stumble you done? Do you chose to walk away because of prejudice society has about young girls who marry older men?
I honestly do not have a solution to this dilemna but it is one that has been bothering my mind for a long time, so I request that we ponder about this together by you leaving a comment.

Thanks for visiting Zoestyles
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8 Comments

  1. Since you are asking for comments, there are two issues that you have to clarify for yourself: an issue of feeling and an issue of reason. First, you have to be absolutely sure that the man in question is your true “other half,” and that you are not simply fascinated with age, experience, intellect, and other qualities. Many young women mistake this fascination for true love, but it does happen, albeit not very often, that it is true love and partnership for life. This is a matter of clarifying your feelings. Secondly, you have to ask yourself: how important are society opinions in your life? If they are weighing heavily into your life decisions, then that will take priority over your feelings, and you’ll have to live with it. Remember, you can never change others, but you can find your own way in the world!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well said my dear and thanks for your comment. I honestly respect your opinion on feelings and reason. But what would you share with a middle woman who cares less for society’s opinion and loves this man. But is weighed done by the fact her family can never accept the love of her life because of his age? This happens a lot in Africa and other parts of the world.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sweetheart, there is a huge difference in age between my husband and myself, but the other way – I am much older. Obviously, his family did not want to accept it. With time, though, they got used to it and accepted just fine. Again, it all comes down to the same question: is it a true love? Age differences are frowned upon everywhere, not only in Africa, and there are good reasons for it. You have to be 100% sure of your feelings AND his feelings, then age will not matter, the family will not matter, and society will not matter.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I agree.. In many cultures young woman marry older men.. I do not agree with arranged marriages.. to me you must love the one you are tied to.. but if your heart aches for someone you love.. age should not matter.. Jewish history claims that Joseph was much older than Mary.. and they sure made it work 🙂

    Like

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