INSECURITY PART TWO

As time went by, the portal of hell to crush, break and destroy everything I called esteem was opened. I would meet people on street and the first thing they would say was, “Oh my God you are going to burst.” I thought to myself can someone literary like burst out of their skin ha-ha guess it was the kid in me.  But the recurrence of this statement made me rethink my position in society especially regarding my size at the time.

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I would meet people who would say all those ugly statements to me; some I would not want to repeat in this beautiful piece of an article but I want you to know that I have heard it all. The statements  like “You look like a 2 in 1” “Stop eating too much” “You are such a foodie” “Buy some pills or else you will burst” “You are too fat” “ You’re obese” “You cross the road like a cow” Just to mention about a  few.

Every time I would hear statements like these I would run to my bed and literary cry my eye balls out. I would ask God why He put me in this ugly thing called a body. In my very sorrowful moments I would write letters in my diary promising myself not to cry again. But trust me the next time someone said a mean statement again I would go back and cry about it everything over again. It was a recycle of emotions. I only told two people about my experiences; that was God and I because I would never trust anyone with my issues at the time. I never opened up to a single soul about what I was actually going through.

As time went by these insults only grew bigger and the power of their words only grew mightier. I was stuck in a small dark world while I pretended to everyone else on the outside that I was the proud, confident, ambitious and intelligent young woman which was all an act because I knew exactly what I felt on the inside was the direct opposite of what I displayed. I was living in pretence and I knew this was not right.On the inside I harbored pain, hatred, shame and low self esteem. I drew pain from words people used to say to me which bred hatred and in the long run I was ashamed of my body. My darkest moment was when… to be continued in Part Three

xoxo

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